This stage of development is tooootally natural y’all, and usually happens between 8-12 months, but it can be pretty frustrating and worrisome. Been there, y’all aren’t alone in that, so here’s my take on why letting go of those feelings are good for them and us.
Common thoughts I’m sure y’all have, because I’ve had them myself, are:
“Ugh, she’s making such a huge freaking mess! One more thing for me to have to do!”
“He’s not eating as much when I don’t feed him, he’s gonna starve himself!”
“This take so much longer! I just wanna get it over with.”
Babies are pretty great at letting us know what they need, we just usually don’t know how to listen properly so we can truly understand them. When we do this, we can also learn from them. We often tell our kids, “don’t be in such a hurry to grow up!” Well, guess what? They’re only in a hurry because we teach them to be. Feeling called out? Yeah, me too boo. Parent-child relationships are like mirrors - they learn how to be by how they see US being, and if we look at them closely right from the start, we can learn a lot about the true natural state of being for us as humans in general.
As adults we tend to have our minds bogged down with worry about getting things done efficiently, meaning as quickly as possible so we can move on to the next task on our to-do lists that never seem to end. However, I’ve found over time that us learning to live in the moment is not only important for our own mental well being (an important topic for another day), but for the well being of our children’s development too.
Truly experiencing things requires living in the moment, a natural thing for kids (until we deprogram it out of them, which, again, is a whole other rabbit hole I’ll explore with y’all another time), and living in the moment requires us to slow down, worry less about the outcome, and just focus on the experience and lesson of that current moment. Everything is brand new to them, and they want to experience it all in every way possible in order to learn what works and what doesn’t. They don’t care about what happens next - they care about what’s happening now.
By learning from our kids to live in the moment, and allowing them to continue doing so instead of rushing and pushing them into the future, we allow them to spread their wings and take flight developmentally. I had to learn this the hard way - trust ya girl, it’s not been very fun for any of us. All it caused was setbacks, both in their personal development and in our relationship as parent and child.
Will there be a bigger mess? Yes. As parents we live cleaning up messes, so why worry about it? It’s just a mess, and any annoyance or inconvenience it might bring is well worth letting your little nugget of love gain some little nuggets of independence. Your hands will be freed up during meal time to feed your self, and by letting go of worrying about it, your frame of mind will be freed up to allow you to focus more on enjoying meals together rather than trying to find a way to force them to take a bite from a spoon. In fact, doing that will only lead to even more frustration on both sides, and serve to give them negative associations with eating and food, which can lead to unhealthy eating habits as they get older.
Will your kiddo still end up satisfied? Yes. Trust, they will let you know when they’re full and will definitely let you know if they’re still hungry! If you’ve got concerns about their nutritional needs being met, of course, discuss it with their doctor - but if they’re growing on track, don’t sweat it.
Will it take a little more time? Yes. Time spent with your child, watching them learn and grow - something we too often take for granted. Especially us stay at home moms, who spend almost every waking moment with our kids. It becomes so easy to lose sight of how precious every single one of those moments are. Take a second right now, stop reading, and look at your mini. In this very moment, they’re the oldest they’ve ever been, and the youngest they will ever be again. I’ve personally spent more time letting moments with my kids slip by rather than treasuring each one. Not sure about y’all, but that’s not something I choose to let continue to take place. Every single moment is gone in a flash. Don’t let another go by uncherished (even the moments of chaos 😉). I promise you won’t regret that choice.
I’m by no means a parenting expert, in fact I am far from it. This is just what I’ve learned through research as well as trial and (lots and lots of) error. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, and we’re all in this together, learning and growing right along with our kids and with each other. I hope you guys will enjoy learning and growing with me, that you find even one small fragment of inspiration from me sharing my own learned lessons with you, and that you know you are never alone. That’s my goal with this blog 💖
Til next time,
Forest Sarah ✌🏻
